ROB REINER UPSET AT HOT DOG CONTEST RESULTS

Hints at Possible New TV Show

Albuquerque, New Mexico

July 30, 2005

Rob Reiner Discusses the Art of Eating

            Recently at the Annual Albuquerque Dog-Off, spectator Rob Reiner was mildly upset at the outcome.   3 time World Hot Dog eating Champion Inaguchi Kobayashi won by 5 ½ hot dogs over nearest competitor, Sam Davis of America.

            “This is something American’s should be winning at” said a perturbed Reiner.

            Since 1997, there has been an enormous increase in interest in Japan about hot dog eating contests.   This increase in interest has directly led to the development of some of today’s biggest eating superstars from the Pacific Rim, such as Inaguchi Kobayashi.   In the World Standings, Japan now leads America by 6 points, while Australia is in third, trailing Japan by 11.   With 5 events remaining in the World Cup of Hot-Dogs, Japan looks to have a strangle hold on the Golden Wiener for the 7 straight year.  

            This would break the previous record of 6 consecutive titles held by the Americans, adding even more pressure to the American Doggers.   One of the American Doggers gave some words to fans.   “You know, we’re doing our best out there to stuff as many wieners down our throats as we can.   Sometimes we even get three wieners at once” said Frank Kobaleski after the Dog-Off.   The three wiener method known as triple-dogging was first done in 1956 by Richard “Big Dick” Langley from Texas.

            Kobayashi’s life long trainer, Ozka Miya, was very proud of his protégé.   “He has learned well from his teachings” his translator said.   “He is gifted with an overly lubricated throat” added Miya.

            “Come on, the Japanese guy wasn’t that big, we really ought to be able to beat this guy at eating.”   The “All in the Family” star recounted his days of over indulging in foods as a youngster.

            “When I was 13, I ate a whole bag of marshmallows in 17 minutes.   Even when I got older, and I was working on set, (presumably All in the Family) when I went to the fridge on the show, I was really eating!”

            Reiner didn’t hold back his feeling about the competitors in today’s event either.   When asked what he felt about the way novelty food eaters have gotten, he called them “no talent punks”, “wussies”, and even claimed they were “hot-doggin’ it out there”.   He then excused himself for the ridiculous pun.

            The American’s were able to recover some dignity though.   The easily won the 5 man relay by using the tried and true method of double dogging.  

            When asked about the future of eating contests for Americans, Reiner said “I think these guys are in serious need of coaching.   Maybe even an eating boot-camp, I could get Sally Struthers as the drill sergeant.   That’d be cool to see on TV!”  

Rob Reiner then promoted Struthers by saying “I once seen her eat 5 Quarter-Pounder with Cheeses.”   Reiner then added “that’s quite a bit.”   Mrs. Struthers was unavailable for comment at the time of printing.

            There have been some that have said to take it easy on the American Doggers since the average weight of each dogger is 298lbs. and any extra stress on them could cause them to go into cardiac arrest, or even choke during competition.   The Japanese consider it “most dishonorable” to die during a sanctioned contest.   Last year, tragedy struck the American minor league team, The Winfrey’s, named after Oprah, and suffered 3 casualties during the Great American Wiener fest.